This time around

This pregnancy has been very different then the first time around. When I was pregnant with Bubba I could sleep in on the weekends, I had the energy to cook whole grain, vegetable-laden meals and get a dose of daily exercise. This time I have a toddler who wakes up at seven yelling "mommy" over and over again, eating a bowl of cereal for dinner while my kid eats a quesedilla (on the nights that dad works) and my only exercise is chasing Bubba around to put on a shirt or wipe his butt.

I am hoping that after the baby is here things will be different too. Mr. Mom wasn't a Mr. Mom when Bubba was born. He worked 40 hours a week at a corporate job and I was home alone with an infant that some days seemed to not want to nap and only wanted to cry. I hated breastfeeding. I was on the phone, on the internet scouring sources for why it hurt so much. My kid was latched correctly but no one tells you that it hurts for the first couple of weeks. And it was January. So it was cold and snowy and I never felt like I could not leave the house.  This time around I am due in May, which I hope will be glorious and sunny, cue the singing birds. This time around Mr. Mom will be home and I wont feel so isolated while on maternity leave. This time around I know that breastfeeding hurts and wont be embarrassed by the whole process. Am I being naive? Probably. I will have a clingy toddler who wont understand why mommy cant hold him too. I do not have nearly as much leave saved up for maternity leave as I did the first time and I seem to have forgotten the zombie-like existence new parents endure for the first weeks/months of a newborns life.

But regardless of all of the good and bad things that are coming in May I am so excited to see my little girl for the first time. For her brother who talks about her non-stop to finally meet her. And finally for my family to be whole, the perfect family that I never dreamed of.